Drawing Lesson No. 2.

Base Ball Season.

A man in Chester county, Pa., has paid $125 and costs of prosecution for thrashing a lawyer in his office, but he says the amusement was worth every cent of it.

A malicious story is afloat to the effect that a Meriden girl went back on her lover because he was so bow-legged she could not sit on his lap.

Emma Abbott carries a dagger on the stage that is worth $16,500. This dagger on the stage is exceeded only by the lie off the stage.

It is said that figures won’t lie; but the figures of some women are very deceptive, to say the least.

Drawing Lesson No. 4.

“The Finish.”—Jerome Park.

When a man dies suddenly “without the aid of a physician,” as an Irishman once said, the coroner must be called in. If a man dies regularly after being treated by a doctor, everybody knows why he died, and the coroner’s inquest is not necessary.

We have just received a sample copy of a new song, entitled “Put your arms around me, dear.” Any lady who desires to try it, can do so by calling at our office after business hours—we mean the song.

“Union is not always strength,” as Sir Charles Napier said, when he saw the purser mixing his rum and water.

Drawing Lesson No. 6.

“The Ascent.”—Catskills.

They say when Bismarck greeted Grant, he smiled one of those fatherland grins, held out his hand and exclaimed: “Vegates, sheneral? I vas overcome mit gladness by myself to see you; sit mit yourself down. Adolph, two beers, right away, quick, so helup you gracious!”

It has cost $223,000,000 to look after the Indians during the past ten years. The Indians may be poor, but so are several persons in New York and other large cities.

“What I’d like to know,” said a schoolboy, “Is how the mouths of rivers can be so much larger than their heads.” The boy has evidently not yet seen much of our congressmen.

Drawing Lesson No. 8.

“Upper Ten.”—Long Branch.

A gentleman was examining an umbrella and commenting upon its fine quality. “Yes,” said a person present, “he fancies everything he sees.” “And,” added a third party, “is inclined to seize everything he fancies.”

If there is anything in this world calculated to make a man forget that he’s been to hear Moodey and Sankey on the previous evening, is to bounce cheerily out of bed in the morning and light on the business end of a tack.

A New Jersey female institute contains thirty-four red-headed girls, and the principal dispenses with gas and all other artificial light.

Drawing Lesson No. 9.

“Clams.”—Rockaway.

The Lady Habberton’s divided skirt for females is to be exhibited at Kate Field’s co-operative dress association establishment in New York. It won’t do. The only divided skirts in vogue are those worn by ballet girls, which divide high, the upper quarter only being worn.

A New York hotel proprietor, who thought of raising his rates, has wisely concluded to retain his present prices—$5 and $5.50 a day. This will be hailed with gratitude by clerks and others, who make only $8 or $10 a week.

The editor who said his mouth never uttered a lie, probably spoke through his nose.

Drawing Lesson No. 11.

“The Springs.”—Saratoga.

“Pa, I guess our man Ralph is a good Christian.” “How so, my boy?” “Why, Pa, I read in the Bible that the wicked shall not live out half his days, and Ralph says he has lived out ever since he was a little boy.”

“What is that dog barking at,” asked a fop, whose boots were more polished than his ideas. “Why,” said a by-stander, “he sees another puppy in your boots.”

A popular writer, speaking of the ocean telegraph, wonders whether the news transmitted through the salt water will be fresh.

Spanish women are great S’noras.

FALSE MODESTY.

Every one of ordinary intelligence knows that Kidney Disease, Affections of the Bladder and Urinary Complaints, are as legitimate and common to both sexes (all classes of society), as those involving any other portion of the economy. Therefore, a remedy possessing unprecedented virtues in treatment of these diseases should have a respectful hearing. If afflicted, you will have reason to rejoice over the day you commenced the use of PROF. CHAPIN’S BUCHU-PAIBA (see other pages). $1.00 per bottle, at Druggists. Sent to any address on receipt of price, $1; 6 bottles, $5.

BUCHU-PAIBA.

PROF. CHAPIN’S BUCHU-PAIBA.—A quick, complete cure for all Urinary, Kidney, Bladder and Genital Diseases, in male or female, as Paralysis, Diabetes, Gravel, Difficulty of holding or passing Urine, Gleet, Turbid Urine, Brick Dust and other Deposits, Stricture, Irritation, Inflammation, Inaction, Whites, Impure or Diseased Discharges, Contagious Diseases, Pains in the Back and Thighs, Dragging Down, Dripping, Ulcers, Tumors, Dropsy, Enlargement of Prostate, Bloody or Puss-Matter discharges, &c. $1.00.

CHAPIN’S INJECTION FLEUR is to be used with BUCHU-PAIBA in cases of Impure or Diseased Discharges. Price (with Syringe), $1. His “CONSTITUTION BITTER SYRUP,” drives all traces from the blood. Price, $1.

Either Remedy to be had of druggists, or a bottle by express, to any address, on receipt of $1.00; 6 bottles of one kind, or assorted, $5.00. Address,

E. S. WELLS, 22 Summit Ave., Jersey City, N. J.

Drawing Lesson No. 13.

Asbury Park.—“Ah!”

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman? One is a hollow cylinder, and the other is a silly Hollander.

A man may forget his business, his family, and all the sacred obligations of life, but he always remembers where he got that counterfeit bill.

The furniture recently sold at the Astor House in New York, was rich with historical reminiscences and insects.

A Washington man who was treated to a “25-center,” slipped back to the cigar store, the other day, and economically exchanged it for “three for a quarter.”

Drawing Lesson No. 16.

“For the Iron Pier—Direct.”

A paper watch, in good running order, has been exhibited by a Dresden watch-maker. Made, we suppose, from promissory notes which had been running on forever.

“Every Little helps,” said old man Little, when he called his wife and two daughters out to assist him split up a cord of hickory wood.

In Alaska you can buy whisky for 14 cents a quart; and murder and villainy are correspondingly cheap.

“Belles” call a great many people to church.

What’s in a name? D. Seaver drives a St. Louis milk wagon.

Drawing Lesson No. 18.

Rural Sports.

A Leeds paper says that a young widow in that city, who writes well, is training herself for an editor. Who is the editor?

Did you ever know a country town that hadn’t the best brass band in the State?

It is difficult to tell how much a fish will weigh by looking at the scales.

A statistician estimates that courtships average three tons of coal each.

The easiest way to pay a gas bill is to burn kerosene.

Lament of the sidewalk: “Everybody is down on me.”

Drawing Lesson No. 20.

“Polo.”—Newport.

A Texas Judge is credited with the following decision: “The fact is, Jones, the jail is an old, rickety affair, as cold as an iron wedge. You applied to this court for a release on bail, giving it as your opinion that you would freeze to death there. The weather has not moderated, and to keep you from freezing, I will direct the sheriff to hang you at four o’clock this afternoon.”

“Remember,” said a trading Quaker to his son, “in making thy way in the world, a spoonful of oil will go further than a quart of vinegar.”

The most effective way for a boy to learn a bee sees—by just putting his finger into the hive.

Drawing Lesson No. 22.

“A Nibble.”—Glen Island.

The story is told of a New Bedford clergyman, now dead, who was asked by an Irishman to marry him. “Why, Pat,” said the clergyman, “what have you come to me for? Why don’t you go to the Catholic priest?” “I’ve been to him, yer honor,” said Pat, “and he told me to go to the devil, and I’ve come.”

They are shipping apples from Grand Rapids to Rotterdam, Holland. They pack them so that they won’t Rotterdam bit on the way.

A Kentucky judge has decided that a man has no right to harness his wife to a plow, no, not even with a mule. And yet women complain that they have no rights.

Drawing Lesson No. 24.

“Off for a Sail.”

John Smith was born, baptised, arrested, shot, buried, married and sentenced to the penitentiary for life, all in one week, recently, in Omaha. This did not prevent his having his tooth pulled, and stopping his paper on the following Monday, either.

Indian corn in North Germany often assumes a place among the household plants. It is regarded there as tropical. In our country it becomes tropical only under the name of Bourbon, and then it warms a man up so that he feels as if he were under the tropic of Capricorn.

To do business a man must have dollars and sense.

Drawing Lesson No. 26.

The “Seaside Sibyl” on the Beach.

An Indianapolis cat got to playing with a small turtle the other day, and was having a nice time tumbling it around, when suddenly the turtle’s jaws closed on the cat’s tail. There was some very lively tumbling then on the part of the cat, to an accompaniment of her own selection. Two hours after she was seen examining that tail tenderly, evidently wondering if the piece would grow out again.

“What are the churches doing for humanity?” asked Brother Talmage. Funny he does not know; they’re getting up fairs.

Tailor measuring fat customer—“Would you hold the end, sir, while I go around!”

Drawing Lesson No. 28.

“The Bath.”—Osprey Beach.

“There’s a letter in the candle,” is the title of a new song. It’s a pretty production, but yet we can’t help thinking that if the letter stays there long it’s going to get scorched so that no one can read it.

Noisy little boys in Cincinnati are told that right in the centre of the hind hoofs of every live mule there is a little lump of gold, which can be easily dug out with a penknife.

There’s one pleasant thing about house cleaning. A man can straddle himself out in the parlor for a day or two and spit on the floor without spoiling a Brussels carpet.

Drawing Lesson No. 30.

“The Place Where the Good Folks Go.”—Ocean Grove.

The time for a man to stand firmly by Job’s example is when he washes his face with home-made soap and begins to paw around over the chairs with his eyes shut, inquiring for a towel, quick, and is told that the towel is in the drawer, but the keys are lost.

A Mexican girl living at Tusceolo has three well developed arms. She can do up her hair without cramming her mouth full of hairpins.

Nothing does a doctor so much good as to prescribe an ocean voyage for a sick man who can’t raise enough money to pay his street car fare down town.